I need to explain why I did what I did online. A lot of people have reached out, worried about my mental health. This was a scary experience, but based on the information I had, it was the only plan I could produce to be heard.
We live in a digital age, and I know how to use technology to make myself heard and document what is happening.
When my divorce started, I felt gaslighted and caught flat-footed. I was trying to save my marriage, so I did not realize someone was carefully plotting to gain control of assets and using the kids as a weapon in the process. I was falsely accused of something that did not happen. Even before my first court date, I wrote to every legal agency I could find to say this was a bogus case. The response was always the same: this is a family matter, and attorneys are zealous about securing the best outcome for their client. I kept asking why no one was asking the police department to finish the investigation. I even contacted Amy Klobuchar’s office and received a response with a referral to an attorney’s office I could call to see if I could get a resolution.
Throughout this process, the accusation hung over my head and became the punch line used against me. Over time, I realized I had been swindled and that the only way to get away from this person was to sever all ties. To protect the girls from being used as leverage again, and for their well-being, I needed to cut every connection so I could have a relationship with them without the constant threat of Child Protective Services being called on me. I also learned the hard way that even when the court recognizes you are not dealing with “an angry person,” but with a well-planned scheme to control assets, you still may not have a clear playbook especially without an attorney. Trying to contact her attorney and ask that their client stop, I ended up in jail because I included my ex-wife’s name in an email and it was treated as contacting her by proxy. I spent two days in jail. I watched four white men get released on their own recognizance, even though there were no charges, while I was the last person processed. The judge set bail and called me an elevated risk for reoffending, even though it was my first offense. An unexpected friend helped me post bail.
At my first court appearance, I was assigned a public defender. Based on what he said was the evidence, he told me I would be found guilty and should focus on finding a resolution. I explained how the case was affecting my employment, but he kept repeating that there was overwhelming evidence. It was not a pleasant experience, but I left that day with two important takeaways.
- The court is watching everything I do, which is why I had to pay bail.
- Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law.
My conclusion: I needed to reshape my story and put as much information as possible out in the open so people could understand what was happening. That was not easy. But it helped me say what I had always believed: I survived an abusive relationship. At the time, I was undocumented and felt like I had no rights. Now I do, and I needed to use them to fight back as responsibly as I could.
The next public defender I met was calm and respectful. He asked what I wanted to do, and I told him I was willing to take this all the way. This case felt like the last way my ex-wife was trying to control me. I did not want to live that life anymore, and I could not admit to something that did not happen. He asked me to share any evidence I had and explain my perspective on each accusation.
- I showed that I had removed myself from the situation, including an email stating my intent to stay away from my ex-wife and my daughters.
- I used the divorce decree to show that the allegations were being used as a tactic to gain an advantage during the divorce proceedings.
- I provided a detailed written account that addressed some of the charges.
What mattered most was knowing the attorney was reading what I submitted and that it was helping build an appropriate defense. He was patient, and he could tell I was not being combative I was trying to understand how the courts operated and what my limitations were moving forward. When he could not answer a question, he said so. Then he explained the process clearly. I am grateful for that.
Given how AI works now and how much data gets collected and shared I decided to tell my story in multiple places so it would not disappear into obscurity.
I know what the next steps are, and I know what I need to do legally to move on. My concern is that when people do not take the time to listen, you get labeled emotional or unstable. There is real risk here, and it takes a lot to do what I have done. Still, my decision was not impulsive, it was the most practical option I could see, given the information I had and the fact that I did not have an attorney at the start.
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